the pickup truck
After a series of promotions at 統帥 (Tong3 Shuai4) golf course, we had
to pack up our gear which included a largeass kiosk complete with
touch screen, some flat panel TVs a printer and various other poster
type propaganda. I didn't know this but our big cheese in charge
found the most redneck (yellowneck?) of taiwanese people to come and
help us load it and drive it back to the office. They only sent one
guy and he had the most jacked up arrangement of teeth I had ever seen
in my life. I was also expected to climb into this truck with him as
my cohorts had to finish cleaning up, so I was in charge of unloading
the goods with the driver.
During the ride I immediately thought of Harold and Kumar,
particularly the scene where Freakshow arrives to tow their car. He
was a friendly guy so it wasn't so bad to begin with, but it smelled
like rotting cabbage inside, there were mosquitoes and the passenger
seating area was quite small, like some kind of clown car. There was
also no AC so I just breathed the pollution in full stride.
We went for a couple miles when I opened my mouth and asked him a
question about the truck, here is a translation:
Both of us spoke in a very deadpan and blunt manner.
Me: "Where is the engine on this thing?"
Driver: "It is underneath us"
Me: "I see that's why its so hot" (I had farted earlier when I got in
so the heat was initially misleading)
Me: "Why is it designed this way?"
Driver: "Well, if we were to engage in a head-on collision the engine
would receive minor damage, if any."
Me: "What does that mean for us then?"
Driver: "The oncoming car would just go straight into us as there is
no engine in front"
Me: "That sounds quite negative and most undesirable"
Driver: "But the positive aspect is that I can see [in front] and
judge the depth easier to prevent any accident"
Me: "That doesn't make me feel any better"
Driver: "Well then, just hope for the best"
Me: "I'll do that"
Driver: [No sound for the rest of the 30 minute ride]
I found an image of this deathmobile online, here it is.
